CJ: ...I will stick that motherboard so far up your ass...
Josh: You know, technically I outrank you.
CJ: UP YOUR ASS!!!
-West Wing

I win. You lose. It was ever thus.
-West Wing

You can only have one random processed meat in a tube!
-Tayley-chan, on the concept of pepperoni and salami on pizza

No one could be evil wearing a puppy coat!
-Andy, "Andy Richter Controls The Universe"

You remind me of myself when I was your age... except you're weak. And fat.
-The Evil Old Guy, "Andy Richter Controls The Universe

Wait... I think I see a testicle!
-Nick, during attempted Testament "panty shots"

Everybody's a salmon?
-Tsu, mishearing stuff during VTM

I'm going to give him a blow job, aren't I?
-Tsu, during VTM

Using my Auspex 1.5 power, Eavesdrop On The ST....
-Me, during VTM

Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me.
-Dale Gribble, "King of the Hill"

I am now in a state of drunkenness that can best be described as omnipotent.
-Unknown Movie-Making Guy, CBC's "Definitely Not The Opera"

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with violence. We'll see about that...
-Unknown Stand-Up Comic

They call 'em fingers, but I've never seen 'em fing. Oh, there they go.
-Otto, very very high, "The Simpsons"

Well, I was wearing the clever pants that night!
-Unknown Stand-Up Comic, "Just For Laughs"

Steve Page: For all those watching at home, we ask you to take off all your clothes and have a naked dance party.
Ed Robertson: Do it now! This show is only as good as you make it.
-Steve & Ed from Barenaked Ladies at the Junos

Folks, if you're anything at all like me, then you just crapped your pants too.
-Ed Robertson (of the Barenaked Ladies) at the 2002 Juno Awards

I'm drumming on my own mind!
-Tyler Steward (of the Barenaked Ladies) at the 2002 Juno Awards

Screw off, jerkpants!
-Steven Page (of the Barenaked Ladies) at the 2002 Juno Awards

What's your tongue dexterity?
-McFlash, during VTM

I can't believe I used the word spooge!
-Myself, during VTM

Dammit, woman! Bite his nipple!
-Tayley-chan, during VTM

How do ya like that? DRINK MY MILK!
-Nick, during VTM

Hey, she's passed out! Now's my chance! "V-dum!"
-Tayley-chan, during VTM

We're off to mutant sperm to find ultraviolet!
-Tayley-chan, during VTM

A little C-4, knocking at your door!
-McFlash, during VTM

(Burp!) Well, that was wet and unpleasant. (Burp!)
-Myself, obviously at the height of etiquette, during VTM

What are you going "V-dum" for? You don't have any "V-dum" to "V-dum" with!
-Myself, during VTM

I'd like to teach the world to "Oi!" in perfect harmony...
-Myself, during VTM
(The "Oi!" must be paired with a pelvic thrust for maximum effect.)

These guys rock! (Swoon) Hey, a Gummi worm!
-Tayley-chan, listening to Linkin Park

Is that Hero Chao drowning again?
-Tayley-chan, while playing Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for Gamecube

It ain't over 'till the fat lady explodes out of the ground and kicks your ass!
-Nick, while playing FFX

I didn't mean to be rude when I said you suck.
-"Handsome Girl"

Max: I think those poor folks have been forever scarred, Sam.
Sam: Then our job here is done, Max.
-"Sam & Max: Freelance Police", "The Tell Tale Tail"

I'm not yet sure about the innate symbolism of shower scenes
-Katie Tandler, writer of KatesComic, on the artistic imagery aspect of anime nudity

I'll Auspex you good!
-Myself, as the Mighty Auspex Overlord

I find that remark rude, boorish and impossible to deny!
-Niles Crane, "Frasier"

Tayley-chan: What's so irritating about "Sore wa himitsu desu"?
John: The fact that you never hear it!
-Tayley-chan and John (brother of Tayley-chan), on her Windows closing sound

It's better when it's longer, but it's been used a bit so it's worn down. It's okay though, when it gets too short, he'll buy a new one. This is your third one, right?
-Tayley-chan, putting things out of context

Cheap sterilized cotton! Could I ever own such a garment?
-Tayley-chan, mocking Nick

T: It doesn't exist!
N: Yeah. So why are we going there?
-Tayley-chan, running up against the vast thick wall of Nick's (character's) stupidity

There are parts of America I like quite a bit, but I like all of Candada. Well, except Edmonton but that was 29 years ago.
-John Cleese, during a Canada AM interview

Tell me more of this Super Ninja of which you speak.
-Thief, 8-Bit Theatre

Black Mage: I just want to cause devastation on a global scale. Is that so wrong?
Fighter: You will someday, BM. I know you will!
Black Mage: Awww, heck. You're just saying that to make me feel better.
-8-Bit Theatre

Hello, fuzzy woodland creatures. Welcome to hell.
Gafgarion, RPG World

Toby: Just so you know, I'm just the guy who does the thing.
Josh: What?
Toby: We're out of pie.
-The West Wing

Bend over and take your reaming, young man.
-Ryan (AKA Evil Me)

She's going to put you out on the street, where you'll do the most good!
-Evil Me, while Ky in Guilty Gear X was getting his ass kicked

The monkey, as always, stands ready.
-Lore Sjoberg, The Brunching Shuttlecocks

It's hard to kill someone you've had tea with.
A random Bryan

CJ: So how long do you usually make someone your bitch?
Charlie: Depends
Charlie and CJ in the aftermath of a massive prank war, The West Wing

Nick: Just guess!
Tayley: I don't know, your mom?
Yet more mocking of Nick by Tayley-chan

I meant for it to sound vaguely homoerotic! Curses!
Myself, mourning the death of a joke that probably wasn't that good in the first place

I am like a divine wind, a kamikaze of pepperoni depletion! I shall sweep down upon the pepperoni leaving nothing but a cloud! A cloud of bad stuff!
Myself, waxing evilly poetic about making a rediculously oversized pizza sub

Me: Those girls make Rosie the Riveter look like a pansy!
Tayley: And now it's time for a rousing chorus of "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves"!
Myself and Tayley-chan, while watching "Porco Rosso"

I fuckin' hates school. But I loves Diet Pepsi.
Random McSkeet

Kitty: What's wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Kelso: Yes I was! And up until now, everyone had the decency to NOT MENTION IT!
That 70s Show